Bleeding

Whatever you do, give your all.

Because whenever you do something and you don't give it your all, you just cheat.
If you're with your girl and you're distractedly checking your phone and doing seven other things, you're depriving her of actually being with you. And if you don't want to give her your all, why be with her at all?
Same for hobbies, learning, work...

My father used to say: "If something is worth doing, it's worth doing it properly."
Perhaps this authenticity and full commitment is what decides the outcome in the end.
Perhaps this is how we can give our best.

My teachers have bled - figuratively AND literally - for and into things they created, learned and passed on. If I strived for anything less, I'd be a lousy successor.

On idiocy of normalcy

And what is "normal", pray tell?

As it is, "normalcy" is actually exceedingly stupid and ill-defined concept - yet one that has us chasing bullshit and mirages on a grand scale.
If anyone ever even "explained" to you what normal is, they merely described what is considered norm, usual at the time. At one time, it was normal to bury warriors in a boat and set the boat on fire, believing that bunch of sexy, albeit somewhat unsettling valkyries have (hopefully) in the meantime ushered the warrior in question to Valhalla to merrily drink mead for ever after with the one-eyed guy. Well, the prospect is certainly enticing, though I doubt it would pass for normal these days.

Where does that leave us?

Close to the roots of many of our problems nowadays, I think.
Just ponder it a bit - so much of our upbringing was/is devoted to fit us into "normal" mold, yet nobody cares much to look and see that there actually is no such thing as "normal" - there's only vaguely strung together, often contradicting and ridiculous bunch of ideas, thoughts and feelings, anxiously trying to seem like the image which one should strive to emulate.

Well, fuck it.

Stripping down the expectations and illusions of others (and our own alike) can uncover tremendous free space within. What we choose to do with that space is another matter entirely.

On the dubious existence of "objectivity".

It's 21st century (or so I've heard). Does anyone still believe in "objectivity"?

Thing is, the older I've gotten (not that it necessarily has any correlation with increase in wisdom, mind you), the more I came to suspect that what's being sold as "objectivity" is mere opinion of majority (or minority cloaked as majority, as the case may be) arrogantly paraded as "the truth".
Say hello to Heisenberg.

Perfectionism is great, except when it isn't

Perfectionism is a wonderful attitude. Unless it actually prevents you from doing anything, because the starting conditions have to be "perfect". Well, they almost certainly won't be. Not to mention that things will eventually turn out completely different once you actually start doing them and you'll have to adjust on the go anyway. Hence striving for perfection during action beats wishing for it beforehand anytime.

In fact, my observation is that perfectionism may be just another ruse (albeit extremely subtle and sophisticated one) procrastination employs in its mighty effort to stop us from taking action. Yep, it does sound weird. But it could explain all the occassions where I planned and planned until I actually did... magnificent nothing.

Hence while planning is great, at certain moment it is necessary to plunge headfirst into action, prepared to change, update or revise anything that might pop up as no longer valid. Perfectionism should be beneficial, not detrimental - and it should never hamper adaptability.

How I sought freedom and found discipline

Everybody has his dominant driving force. Mine is freedom.

But before we step onto such an abstract land, we should perhaps clarify what we mean by this rather ambiguous term.

Unsurprisingly, “freedom” means different things for different people. For some it’s riding a snowboard, for someone else it’s enough money. Not having to rely on others, having no fear or the moment of sitting atop of hill. Utopia or state when one isn’t bothered by anything and anybody.
And for me?

“Freedom” – that’s when I can do whatever the hell I please, no?

I was young, which explains a lot, but that’s how I envisioned it at one time. However, it gradually started to dawn on me that it probably won’t be exactly so. My view was greatly influenced by this quote:

“Seek freedom and become captive of your desires. Seek discipline and find your liberty.” (Frank Herbert)

That jolted me.

So it’s not true that I’m free when I can do whatever I think of?

What is freedom, then? And what the hell is that ugly word doing there?

“Discipline”. It sounds so – non-free!

Except that being a slave to one’s moods, desires, complexes, illusions, ideas… and all the rest of the great many other things that create basis for tremendous amount of our thoughts, words and actions isn’t exactly free.

So?

Oh yes, I’ve heard condescending edifications (as well as wondering and ridicule) that one shouldn’t restrict himself, that one should be easy and enjoy stuff, that it’s stupid to control oneself. Most of it came from people whose daily functioning resembled, to me, more of a farce than what I'd call an inspiring life.

Because if I never controlled myself, my laziness and pride would reign freely. Would that be proper?

For me, then, freedom is possibility to do what I truly want to do.

Not what I’d like to do. Difference.

To be able to do what I want presumes possibility to decide. And possibility to decide presumes I won’t be decided for by my weaknesses which are constantly trying to distract me.

Because it’s precisely these weaknesses – those things I feel like doing – that deviate me time and again from straight course and in the end effect cause me to end up somewhere completely else than I actually wanted.

Since then, I don’t seek freedom anymore. 
I seek my unbending intent, my discipline. And gradually, piece by piece, I’m finding it and putting it together. Sometimes it goes, sometimes it doesn't. That, of course, is no reason to quit. It’s just reason to go on.

Every bit of power thus acquired is worth it, because I know I have won it by myself and I have it in my life because I want to have it there. Thing is, freedom is also freedom of myself. There ain’t no reason to stand in one’s own way.

Exercise of discipline is then also writing of this essay, when there are so many tempting distractions around me. I’m trying to pay no attention to them and just focus on the writing, because for me, it’s one of the means of study and work on myself – because at the moment writing is what I want to do_, even though I’d like to go and eat something, browse the web, flick through the book, reply to e-mails and about 7 other things. This principle, of course, extends to many other areas.

Freedom then remains the lighthouse somewhere in the background, occassionally flashing in the dark so that I don’t lose direction and don’t forget where I actually go – so that the goal remains the goal.

Most of the time, though, I don’t occupy myself with going after "freedom" at all. I don’t focus my attention to it, I don’t put it in my consciousness. What keeps me going and on the way is the tremendous effort to fight, daily, for my discipline and the tremendous joy of transforming myself; of every single bit of hard-won space and possibilities when I can go on lighter, less restricted. Freedom is the beautiful lady somewhere before me whom I lure and seduce with my discipline. Every day little piece to the puzzle. It seems to me that discipline is also constant battle for discipline, great effort to forge, temper and grind my life to the purest and most perfect shape possible.

What else should I do?


Dedicated to D.

Learning to think

We had to put great deal of effort into learning most of the things we can now perform automatically and (presumably) well. Yet somehow, most people seem to think that just because they can get from A to B, they can think as well. Well, think again. Much of the thinking performed by most people seem to be, well, superficial and flawed at best. Yet despite all the upgrading and updating of our computers, cars and whatnot that we pursue so ardently, we unexplicably tend to leave our thinking out of it. (Even though it can save our ass more often and far better than anything else.)

Hence the conclusion - thinking is a  skill like many others and should/could/can be cultivated and polished - as well as periodically checked for defects, faulty processes etc. Thinking well takes effort and attention, it's not granted.

On benefits of rudeness (Precise speech)

I stopped greeting people.
To be precise, I stopped saying “See you”. I gladly wish anyone a nice day, but I don’t say I’d like to see them again if it’s not true.

I don’t take the argument that it’s common decency. Neither I take the argument “that’s how it’s done” – and I don’t take that one with an extra attention. Because the question really is: why should I do something just because it’s a custom to do it thus? What kind of nonsense is that?

I wasn’t given the ability to perceive, reason and draw conclusions just to thoughtlessly accept anything I’m thrown.


It all actually started with this quote:
“Precise speech begets precise thought, although most people assume the obverse.” (Peter J. Carroll)

Now that got my attention. It sounded contra-intuitive and provocative enough for me to decide to give it a try. So I started watching what I say. With a little surprise I realized there’s great deal of things, like the mentioned “see ya”, I keep saying completely automatic. Without thinking. Without being aware of what I actually said – without really meaning it. Considering the form-content relationship, there was only form left. No content.

I evaluated it as a surprisingly rough error and first of all as a symptom of faulty process in my functioning. How can I be striving for freedom when I don’t even know what I say?

Therefore I went on. And thus whole this game, the simple glimpse at “see ya” became one of means how to take a look at myself. Method to peer into my blind spots. Because just like I observed there are things I say completely automatic I also realized I often think and act purely based on habit.

In the end it really is a kind of special discipline and honesty in front of myself. It’s my little effort to live in a way that I’ll be able to be responsible for my deeds – to know what I think, speak and do. Because it is possible to track that to function only by habit and without awareness often means act based on outdated premises and motives having sometimes unbelievably bizarre origin and which may no longer be valid concerning present conditions of a man – but they keep on coloring his perception and actions nonetheless.

Of course, the point isn’t being rude for rudeness’ sake, not in the least bit. The point is to be aware. To live in a way so as not to be distracted and absent, waste time and opportunity and be constantly lost somewhere where I can’t even see what’s right in front of me and thus always be somewhere else but here – here where everything is actually happening.

And since things don’t exist in isolation, what has begun with speech is more and more carrying to the level of body and mind alike.

Results?
Just a couple of examples from many: I realized it’s so much more amazing be really there when interacting with other people – really look them in their eyes and perceive them with everything possible, not having your mind floating around someplace else.
I also realized it’s actually no problem at all to say “yes” and “no” when I really want to or to express my opinion and stand behind it even though it may mean I will exclude myself from the circle of people who only want to hear what they want to hear.
Or that I am free to let my ego rest from time to time and not take it personally or react feeling touched by everything pointed my way. For instance, plenty of attacks can be just left to pass along and I can have great fun while I am at it.

It seems to be just trivia, but the keyword here is synergy. One trivia leads to another and gradually it opens more and more avenues of functioning. It enables me to train my attention and perceive what moves me – and also where, how and why. It clears space within for decisions and detachment so that I can look at my life and continuously re-evaluate it and choose its constituents in accordance with the path I really want to pursue.
There are many wonderful things in life, but possibility of choice – and possibility of freedom – is, at least for me, one of the best.
To exchange couple of words for a possibility to participate in my freedom seemed like a good deal.
I said to myself that bit of rudeness is worth it.
Have a nice day.

I keep thinking I keep thinking a little too little

Point is to think differently, try and switch between many possible views in order to liberate thinking itself and break through habitual patterns, i.e. not thinking more just for thinking's sake.

The thing is - I try not to take it for granted that my thinking is ok. ("Not everybody is ok with how he looks but everybody is ok with how he thinks" is a brilliant quote).

Pushing oneself through one layer/way of thinking after another, deliberately decontructing assumptions, challenging and doubting, head-on take at heresies, blasphemy & iconoclasm. What an adventure of thinking :)

Never call up

"Never call up what you can't put down."
How is one to learn, then?

Name game

For almost 29 years I’ve been called by the same name and I don’t really get why. After all, I’ve changed quite a few times – sometimes just a tiny bit, sometimes so much I don’t recognize what and who I’ve been.

Should I, then, walk this world with still the same dialing code? Why? I don’t give a rat’s ass that name is such a matter-of-fact. To be exact – I actually do give a rat’s ass precisely because it is such a matter-of-fact.

Name ain’t just a game.

Really, give it a try – address someone formally, with full gravity and full awareness with his full name. Something will resonate, something will respond. Name is a gate, key to the man. Bridge which you can cross to him.

I also seriously suspect this isn’t the case only with humans – just notice how we create our worlds, their understanding and our attitude towards them by naming. One can hardly separate name from perception. Hence the old question whether rose would smell differently should it go by some other name is still valid.

But back to the topic. Names didn’t exactly used to be taken lightly. Giving or changing name was frequently an important part of rite of transition. Thus it was an act marking crossing some border, turning point in the life of man. Just a couple of examples:

- new names given in some Native American tribes after passing an initiation

- young men in Japan used to get new name upon reaching adulthood; similarly artists and craftsmen used to get new name upon entering apprenticeship and generally also a new name upon concluding their apprenticeship and starting out on their own (it wasn’t uncommon to have their names changed couple more times during the course of life – see Katsushika Hokusai as an apt example)

- name given to monks and nuns upon entering religious order

- their analogy in the East are e.g. “Dharma names” given after formal entering into Buddhist practice (so called “Taking of Refuge”)

- marriage (of women, to be more precise)

- former Russian custom of taking father’s name as a middle name of a child (not sure if it’s still upheld)

- posthumous names in certain cultures

So we get back to the same topic again and again – change of name heralds, announces and accompanies or creates change in a course of life, point/rite of transition. It also clearly shows, that most of the cultures used to acknowledge fact that people change.

And then, at certain point in the West, decision was made that man should have one name for all his rich and constantly changing life (apart from the noted exceptions). I may very well understand that it’s administratively more simple and convenient. The question stands, though – what’s administration got to do with my life? Administration is inanimate; I’m just an item to it. Where are there included my desires and wishes, my courage and strength, my doubts and faults? I’m human, after all, whatever that may mean.

 
Therefore I can say: I have felt plenty of times that the time has come for me to leave behind my old name and go forward with a new one. It has nothing to do with disrespect for name given me by my parents. It has everything to do with the fact that I’m changing and I’m no longer what I was and not yet what I (might) be. There are changes that ask for being confirmed, sealed by changing of a name.

Now – why shouldn’t we be able to grasp this principle from the other way around? Hence the italics couple of lines above where I suggested that name change can create change in life.

Why couldn’t we purposefully change our name in period of time when we are just striving for some change and thus support the effort also with this step? By itself it’s seemingly little (and seemingly bullshit), but synergy of several small steps is something to be reckoned with.

Exoticism of foreign names tends to make us forget that even names long familiar to us carry their own inner meaning, which is often brimming over with potential to set a direction or thrill and inspire: Peter as a rock, Mary as loved by G-d, Victor as a – well, victor, Leo like a lion, Catherine as pure… Take your pick.

Maybe formal entry in your ID card isn’t necessary, maybe name as a new nickname is enough. Perhaps it’s enough if this new name is valid only among select group or even if a man starts to perceive himself through this new name. When change is at stake, every tiny little thing counts.

Nomen omen, indeed.

Oh Perception, thou foolest us mightily!

If you think that you perceive what you perceive, you're very wrong. (Naturally, I'm addressing this to myself first and foremost.)

The thing is, what you perceive first has to pass through a grid, which tells you what to omit and what to perceive. It is only after this that "perception" takes place. Or rather, what's left of it.

This "grid" (for want of a better word) is called latent inhibition. While it certainly has a survival value and protects us from sensory/cognitive overload (in other words, keeps us from going bananas), it's also nasty bitch, since it constantly cheats us in what and how we perceive. Namely, huge amount of what is perceived gets filtered out, never to make it to the conscious level. (If it gets perceived on some other level is point  worth discussing at greater length, so let's not go there for now.)


Now, the question is - why should it make sense to strive to perceive more (of what we actually perceive)?
Because it gives you chance to have more freedom, easy as that.
E.g. freedom to step aside from habitual thinking > perceiving > interpreting to check if, just accidentally, there aren't any erroneous patterns at work. (Rest assured, there are.) Once you identify them, you can reconsider, revise or discard them. It's very liberating.
As is realization that perception is a learned skil. There is a lot to be gained when you start challenging basic assumptions. Perception is one of them and while it's difficult to challenge, it's certainly worth it.
The list of benefits doesn't really stop there, of course.

How, then, do we get to it? How do we start lowering latent inhibition?
Well, that's a tough one. I'm still struggling with it and trying to find out, but one thing that seems to work for me so far is continuous reminding myself to look at things (people, thoughts, attitudes, interactions...) as if they were not matter of course. It changes how you perceive - a lot.

After all, it's like there's a veil pulled down over your eyes and you're gradually removing it. It's fun. It's interesting. Though I'm particularly interested in going bananas.

Mindfuck, anyone?

I like Ramsey Dukes. A lot.
The thing is, I first came across his books in a rather entertaining period in my life when I systematically started to doubt and challenge pretty much everything.

I deliberately say "entertaining", because I had no idea how far and deep that will go. I started with challenging the obvious stuff, like assumptions you should work 9-5, buy fancy stuff and behave like you're immortal. Like I said, the obvious.

But when you delve just a wee bit deeper and start challenging the basic assumptions about yourself, how you perceive the world and how you relate to it, once you start challenging the deeply-ingrained notions about you having "your own independent opinion", "free will" and many other funny ideas, *that's* where the real fun starts. More on that later.

In the meantime - back to Ramsey Dukes and let's start there. If you're willing to see for yourself what a proper mindfuck feels like, I present to you a great essay of his: THE CHARLATAN AND THE MAGUS.

Not wishing to deprive you of the delight of reading it for yourself, I won't rant about it too much, let me just say it's a true treasure. There's plenty in it to insult, outrage, laugh, shock and ponder over and over again. Long live mind liberation.

If you have anything to add or feel like wanted to chat about something, please do :)

Magic?

Perhaps I should explain something right at the beginning. There will probably be quite a few posts relating to "magic" - or I should perhaps rather say "magick".

People tend to get pretty diverse (and wild) ideas when you say "magic". Some immediately go for tricksters pulling fluffy rabbits out of hats, some imagine obscure characters throwing fireballs, some think of casting curses, blah blah. You got the point.

Let's try to stay down to earth and have a little etymological trip down to the roots of the very name we use. "Magic". The things is, "magic" presumably stems from word meaning "to be able, can, have the power to do". (See Russian "ia magu" -> "I can, I am able to" or German "Ich mag" -> "I can" etc. Errata - as it was pointed out, "ich mag" doesn't stand for "I can". Russian translation still stands, though) With a little generosity you can say "Magic = Power".
So, while various movie-worthy feats may seem desirable, it doesn't seem not nearly as attractive (for me) as to "have the power/be able".

Now - what kind of power are we talking about - power to do/power over what exactly? Here's where it gets tricky - you tell me.
Some may desire to have control over others. Some may wish to have control over themselves. Some may want the power to heal, to divine, to influence weather... The list is long and intriguing.
Now it's time to get little personal - for me, "magic(k)" is to have the power to create my own life, to pursue my own freedom. To explore my own possibilities and to keep changing my life & myself in accordance with my will. Seems like a worthy tool to me.

So - "magick". Hell yes. The more, the better :)

I keep forgetting that I'm dying

I’m dying. And I still keep forgetting it.
I still walk this world like there's a marble table somewhere with an inscription carved on it stating I’ll be here tomorrow. But there isn’t.

So I stand between a moment that is irretrievably gone and a moment that hasn’t arrived yet - and which may never come - and I silently admit to myself I will die. With utter certainty it will happen and with utter uncertainty as to when and how.

It’s an illusion to think and act like I have granted another day. It may come, sure – but how, how did I arrive at the certainty I will live to see it? It’s not that I can die “tomorrow”. Even “tomorrow” is just another illusion. It’s that this very exhale may be my last. Event as I write this, my breath is running away – and who can say if I'll inhale again? Hold on a moment – inhalation – I’m still here.

People ask me how can I possibly live like this – and I ask how could I possibly live otherwise?

For some time, then, I bid people farewell saying:
“If we meet again…”
Laughter tends to be the answer: “Why shouldn’t we?”
"And why should we?", I ask.

Awareness of my mortality is a cold edge that slides down the perception and divides it in two, so that I may pass through the center. It’s the ultimate measure against which all other can be gauged. When I bring impermanence into awareness, into full attention, it changes everything it touches. It shakes my world and nothing remains the same. When I turn to look my mortality in the eye, everything acquires new value and new meaning face to face with my inevitable death. Suddenly I  feel, very vividly, the pulse of the strongest drive I have. Just a few things remain important. Other vanish like ashes in the wind and I have less and less liking and patience to engage in useless matters.

Thing is – I have no time to waste. None. I have but this one moment in which I decide how I’ll meet another day. If it comes.
Time and again I turn to face it – I may never again have another chance. It is just now. One chance for everything. Moment by moment ticks away, breath vanishes and sand pours away. If there is anything I’d like to indelibly burn into my consciousness, it’s this.

Proximity of death grants life amazing flavor. When awareness of death strikes through me like a lightning, everything changes. Suddenly, there’s an unbelievable abundance of beauty in the world. Red wine I’m drinking right now is great. Not the best I ever had, but it wouldn’t be bad for the last glass. Fallen leaves on my way back from work were amazing. Scent of my girl is beautiful. All things and acts gain on unexpected intensity. Thus I less and less want to do things just for appearance’s sake or tolerate things I don’t care about. I have no time.

I don’t want to run away from death – nor do I want to run to meet it. There’s no glory or honor in dying as such, death will claim us all one way or another. But to die without fear or pity, that’s something.

When I remember that death is breathing down my neck, it becomes very clear that I want to give my all. It's thanks to this awareness of my impending death that acts take on power. Suddenly it’s possible to relieve myself from fears and attachment, so that I can act with ease, detachment and abandon, act like my life depends on it, as if it was to be the last thing I do on this world – my last dance, my last battle. It is then when I slip through invisible gate from a life that just happens to me into a life I create myself.


Mortality, then, is my chance to have chance to be free. To put down an immense part of the burden and say:
I walk free because I have my death to meet.

Thus, step by step, I’m learning to “live in the shadow of a scythe”. My testament is written and every beat of my heart, every drop of blood is precious beyond value. Hesitantly at first, then with growing thankfulness I have accepted that my death is at my heels and will not allow me to halt, because she can touch me at any moment. And until the lady with a scythe comes and with single, surgically precise blow cuts through all I called “mine”, I want to make the most of this amazing life. Death is my advisor, measure, my opportunity to grasp my freedom and immerse myself in it. For when the scythe lands, I will go on utterly alone.

Last shirt has no pockets.



P.S. This post was originally published in Slovak here: Shekel.cz, but since it goes well with my ramblings and indeed provides crucial base for everything I do, it should just as well be here.

What the hell is 'psychonautica'?

Perhaps we should begin by defining a starting point, just to make sure things will be understandable. So what do I mean when I talk about psychonautica/psychonautics?

Well, first let’s have a look at what Wiki has to say:

“Psychonautics (from the Greek ψυχή (psychē "soul/spirit/mind") and ναύτης (naútēs "sailor/navigator") – a sailor of the mind/soul) refers both to a methodology for describing and explaining the subjective effects of altered states of consciousness, including those induced by mind altering substances, and to a research paradigm in which the researcher voluntarily immerses him/herself into an altered state by means of such techniques, as a means to explore human experience and existence.
The term has been applied diversely, to cover all activities by which altered states are induced and utilized… …in order to gain deeper insights and spiritual experiences.”

Right, well put.
With range of possible approaches to “psychonautics” being this broad, everybody is pretty much free to pick his own. Including me. Which means that for me, “psychonautica” is a means of exploring ways leading to greater freedom and broadening of my possibilities. That’s what I aim for. Stimuli can come (and they do) from great many sources – religions, philosophy, linguistics, semantics/semiotics, quantum physics, neuro-biology, poetry, fiction, theory of perception, politics… the list goes on and on and on – or for example from a process of deliberate deconstruction and challenging of ingrained assumptions/beliefs, acting advocatus diaboli just for the heck of it, switching paradigms, playing around with social patterns... Pretty much anything can serve – as long as it works. It can be as simple as short etymological “trip” revealing interesting new shades of meaning of an ordinary word or as complex as pondering linguistic turn and its possible practical applications. And here’s the key part – “practical application”. While musing can be oh so delightful and a-musing, not all musings constitute what I label “psychonautic expedition”. For me, such an expedition should bring something I can put to use, even if seemingly minute and utterly insignificant in eyes of somebody else. It’s me who must be able to use it, for we all die alone and we create our own universes to populate. Musings that can't be used seem to me like a waste of time which I don’t have.

I should probably clarify one more thing. While psychonautica is for many intimately connected with drug usage, this is not my cup of coffee – so anyone eager to discuss chemognosis will not find much here. Occasionally, wine serves me well in this respect (though I don’t go purposefully for wine in order to use it for psychonautics, it just sometimes happens as a kind of by-product), but that’s as far as I go. Hell, even a breath of fresh air or a scent of perfume can be “mind altering substance”, not mentioning thought stimulus or purposeful altering of consciousness/perception by switching paradigms and maps of reality (though I admit this is too unsubstantial to fall under “mind altering substance” :).

This blog is then really a record of expeditions inwards. It is within myself, where really is the play-ground and testing-ground for the immense (and growing) pool of inputs I want to explore, dive into, examine, dissect, turn around, question, challenge, put together, tear apart, reveal, put to use, discard, pass through… …did I omit anything? :)

So – welcome and enjoy. One of the reasons for starting this blog in the first place was to get out of the ivory tower and get in touch with beings like-minded and also completely un-like-minded. Nothing like a seething criticism to sharpen your thinking ;).
It’s not supposed to be one-man show (please, no), I’d dearly like it to be more of a meeting place.

Because you just don't know from where will the blow come, what will send you through the wall into yet another psychonautic expedition. It can be anything – a simple observation, overheard sentence, seemingly innocuous meeting, remark, a song, drift of a fallen leaves on the pavement, bite of alcohol, truly whatever. And suddenly you find you're in. You're on. Your own.

Let the journey begin

Honestly, I haven't got the slightest idea where this will lead. Just like I don't know where any psychonautic plunge will lead and what I may emerge into.
As it is – it may lead nowhere. It may lead to strange places. Slowly, step by step I'm learning not to go with an expecting mind. It colors, obstructs perception. And I strive to perceive as clearly as possible. Don't you?

So here it is – this should be a place for psychonautic ramblings. Range of topics will probably be broad, they may seem more or less inter-connected, you may or may not find it interesting. Fair enough.

For now, I will probably be the sole author (except for the stuff that will be openly quoted or sourced), but since we never know what this weird wide world will throw at us, I don't exactly resist the possibility that someone else may appear and things will fit together so that more authors will emerge. That is yet to be seen.

But should you find anything interesting and want to comment, talk, discuss – well, that's what comments are for. Also, there's an e-mail where you can get to me.


With all that said – if you're in for a journey, feel free to come along.